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Archieboy

  • Road Captain
  • Country: england
  • Posts: 1717
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  • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #150 on: February 01, 2019, 13:46 »
I looked out of my window in horror last night at a crashed motorcyclist.

I rushed out and pushed through the crowd and a woman at the front said " thank goodness are you a doctor"

I said " No but thats my bloody pizza"
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  • Archieboy

    • Road Captain
    • Country: england
    • Posts: 1717
    • Liked: 482
    • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #151 on: May 07, 2019, 08:01 »
    A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"

    The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"

    The doctor looked puzzled but agreed.

    When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50.

    This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.

    Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"

    "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
    "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa
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  • Archieboy

    • Road Captain
    • Country: england
    • Posts: 1717
    • Liked: 482
    • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #152 on: May 26, 2019, 09:32 »
    My mate told me to watch out for the step. I still fell.
    He was happy though, I left him a great review on Trip Adviser...
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  • Archieboy

    • Road Captain
    • Country: england
    • Posts: 1717
    • Liked: 482
    • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #153 on: June 07, 2019, 07:26 »
    All of Jack Dee's children are bright,  but Ellie is the brightest.
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  • Archieboy

    • Road Captain
    • Country: england
    • Posts: 1717
    • Liked: 482
    • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #154 on: October 15, 2019, 20:28 »
    I can't believe how rude the suppository helpline was
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  • Anchor

    • Sunday Rider
    • Country: gb
    • Posts: 15
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    • Pro Cycling is life
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #155 on: December 16, 2019, 16:07 »
    I had to go to the Doctors the other day.

    He asked me what was wrong.

    I told him I had five penisis.

    He asked me how my trousers fit.

    I said like a glove.
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  • Aim low and miss.

    Anchor

    • Sunday Rider
    • Country: gb
    • Posts: 15
    • Liked: 18
    • Pro Cycling is life
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #156 on: December 16, 2019, 16:08 »
    I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up.

    It was one ting after another.
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  • Archieboy

    • Road Captain
    • Country: england
    • Posts: 1717
    • Liked: 482
    • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #157 on: January 24, 2020, 20:51 »
    Man gets home tells his wife" get me a beer before it starts",he drinks it down then says" quick, get me another one before it starts"
    he drinks it and says "another one before it starts".
    The wife says" listen you fat lazy slob, you waltz in, sit down on yer arse and start barking orders who the flip do you think you are ...........
    Man says " Flip me its started "
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  • Joelsim

    • Classics Winner
    • Country: gb
    • Posts: 2886
    • Liked: 1748
      • Music To Your Ears
    • Awards: Fanboy of 2016New member of the year 2015
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #158 on: January 24, 2020, 21:15 »
    Man gets home tells his wife" get me a beer before it starts",he drinks it down then says" quick, get me another one before it starts"
    he drinks it and says "another one before it starts".
    The wife says" listen you fat lazy slob, you waltz in, sit down on yer arse and start barking orders who the flip do you think you are ...........
    Man says " Flip me its started "

    Thieves broke into West Ham United Football Club last night and stole the entire contents of the trophy room.

    Police are said to be on the lookout for a claret and blue carpet.
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  • Archieboy

    • Road Captain
    • Country: england
    • Posts: 1717
    • Liked: 482
    • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #159 on: January 24, 2020, 21:56 »
    Why ain't we got a middle finger smiley thingy....
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  • Archieboy

    • Road Captain
    • Country: england
    • Posts: 1717
    • Liked: 482
    • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #160 on: February 09, 2020, 17:19 »
    We have been getting a right battering in Essex from storm Ciara

    My missus was looking through the window and looked really worried.

    Eventually  I had to let her back in....
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  • Archieboy

    • Road Captain
    • Country: england
    • Posts: 1717
    • Liked: 482
    • Awards: Quintuple Official Prediction Game Champ (2014, 2015, 2017, 2018, 2019)2019 Giro CQ Game winner
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #161 on: February 14, 2020, 12:38 »
    To all you gorgeous girls

    HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

    To all you fat birds, chin up it's 

    PANCAKE DAY next week  :cool
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