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LaVelocipede

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #30 on: August 11, 2014, 20:52 »
But why did Helen fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock? Who's there? Not Helen.
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  • "Cycling is like boxing: It's not a game. It's a hard, pitiless sport that demands very great sacrifices.One plays football, tennis, hockey, but one does not play at cycling."
    - Jean de Gribaldy

    froome19

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #31 on: August 12, 2014, 09:03 »
    But why did Helen fall off the swing?
    Because she had no arms.
    i didn't want to go down that route but seeing as you started it


    why did Helen fall of the swing?
    Because she had no arms.

    Why didn't Helen get back on the swing?
    Because she had no legs

    Knock knock..
    Who is there?
    Not Helen!
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  • RIP Keith

    Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #32 on: August 20, 2014, 16:39 »
    "The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."

    This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.

    The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

    It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

    However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower
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  • LaVelocipede

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #33 on: August 20, 2014, 18:32 »
    "The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."

    This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.

    The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.

    It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

    However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McLaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower
    Hahaaaaa superb!
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  • Echoes

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #34 on: August 21, 2014, 15:15 »
    A Belgian guy tells a friend of his, he wants to go on holiday to Spain. He tells him the name of the village...

    The friend: Ah if you go there you must absolutely go to a restaurant called Los cojones and the speciality there is los cojones.

    So the first restaurant he finds is that one.

    The waiter is coming: What do you want to eat, señor?

    Well, what do you have to eat?

    Los cojones, señor.

    And what else do you have?

    Nothing.

    So why do you ask me? I'll take los cojones then.
    But tell me. What are los cojones?

    Ah el señor doesn't know los cojones are.
    Do you see what a bull is. You see what a bullock is. Bull - Bullock = Cojones

    Oh yeah I see. But why do you only have that here?

    Ah señor, that's because here it's bullfighting. Everywhere. In the village. In the next village. In the mountains, everywhere. So when the bull gets killed. We take the cojones for the restaurant.

    Oh that's a good idea. But is that good?

    Check it out yourself.

    He's having a look at the other tables. There were dishcovers on the dishes but when you take them out, there were two big brown balls with rice around and a sauce that smelled like Madeira. It smelled great, copious, hearty.

    OK I'll take it.

    5 minutes later, the waiter came back with the dish and the dishcover. The guy is already dribbling. He's hungry.

    The waiter takes the dishcover away and ... **surprise**

    There were two little balls.

    The guy says: But that's impossible. I'm starving and the others have big balls ...

    The waiter: That, señor, is bad luck. Usually the bull is the one to get killed but this time the torero was dead !
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  • "Paris-Roubaix is the biggest cycling race in the world, bigger than the Tour de France, bigger than any other bike race" (Sir Bradley Wiggins)

    Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #35 on: August 27, 2014, 20:02 »
    A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

    The Manager asked "Do you have sales experience?"
    The young man answered, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo."

    The Manager liked the Aussie lad so gave him a job. His first day was challenging and very busy, but he got through it. After the store locked up, the manager came down and asked, "OK, so how many sales did you make today?"

    The Aussie said, "One!"

    The manager groaned and continued, "Just one? Our sales people average 28 sales a day.How much was the sale for?"

    "£124,237.64p.."

    The manager choked and exclaimed "£124,237.64!! What the hell did you sell him?'

    "Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then some sinkers and then sold him a new fishing rod."

    "Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and sold him that "twin-engine Power Cat"

    "Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull the boat , so I took him down to car sales and sold him the 4x4."

    The manager, incredulous, said, "You mean to tell me...a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?"

    "No, no, no... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his girlfriend and I said... Well, since your weekend's stuffed, you might as well go fishing"
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  • LaVelocipede

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #36 on: August 27, 2014, 20:14 »
    Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

    Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics
    about problems with the aircraft.
    The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
    review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
    and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


    P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed..

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last...................
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something
    with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
    :D
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  • LukasCPH

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #37 on: August 27, 2014, 21:57 »
    Thank you for today's greatest laugh. :lol
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  • 2017 0711|CYCLING PR Manager; 2016 Stölting Content Editor
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    RIP Keith

    Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #38 on: September 02, 2014, 17:55 »
    A small zoo in North Carolina obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.

    To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

    The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

    Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

    “First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
     
    "Second", he said, "She must wear a 'I love the USA’' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

    "Third" , he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

    "Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

    And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00.
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  • froome19

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #39 on: September 02, 2014, 18:16 »

    And the best one for last...................
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something
    with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.
    :D
    Brilliant.

    Loved it

    Good work
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  • DB-Coop

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #40 on: September 07, 2014, 20:09 »
    Not really a joke, more a sad (and funny) fact about urban planning in the town I lived in as a child.

    Either way sometime back before I was born the town decided they needed a retirement home, and they found a spot to build one on both close to town and also neatly close to the forest. The lot was on a corner. What neighbors did the retirement home get one might ask, well across from them they had the hospital, on the opposite corner was the crematorium, and on the last lot was the largest cemetery in town. Enjoy the view folks...  :o
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  • Thround

    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #41 on: September 21, 2014, 12:40 »
    A guy walks into a bar with an octopus...

    He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that the octopus can play any musical instrument in the world."

    Everyone in the bar laughs and calls him an idiot.

    "Ok, I'll give £10 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

    A man walks up with a guitar and gives it to the octopus.
    The octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar owner pays up.

    Another man walks up with a trumpet.
    This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The trumpet-owner coughs up.

    Then Jock puts some bagpipes on the table.

    The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look.

    "Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye no play it?"

    The octopus looks up at him and says: "Play it? I'm going to **** it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."
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  • batchuba

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #42 on: September 21, 2014, 21:35 »
    I only know two jokes, in total.


    How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.


    Horse walks into a bar. Barman says "Why the long face?". Horse replies "I have cancer".



    And that's my entire repertoire. Between the two of them, I have a suitable joke for every occasion.
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  • Thround

    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #43 on: September 25, 2014, 06:37 »
    Getting married again .....

    A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her husband, "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?

    Well...........

    Husband 1 was an Architect; he kept on telling me how great it was going to be.

    Husband 2 was a Computer Manager; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

    Husband 3 was a Services Consultant; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

    Husband 4 was a Project Manager; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

    Husband 5 was a Structural Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the art method.

    Husband 6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

    Husband 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

    Husband 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

    Husband 9 was a Gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.

    Husband 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was .....God I miss him!

    But now that I've married you, "I'm so excited!"

    "Great" said the husband, "but, why?"

    "You're an Estate Agent. So this time I just KNOW I'm gonna get shafted!"
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  • Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #44 on: October 27, 2014, 20:14 »
    landlord at pub has announced a £100 prize for the best haloween outfit.the wife won it last year ,she wasn't very happy about it to be honest she"d only come to pick me up
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  • Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #45 on: February 26, 2015, 21:08 »
    A bus full of ugly people unexpectedly crashes and kills everyone on board
    Everyone shows up at the Gates of Heaven where God comes to meet them all Himself.

    "Gee guys, I didn't intend for that to happen, I'm really sorry. I can't just resurrect you, but to make up for it I'll grant you all one wish before I let you in."

    The first person steps up and thinks for a moment.
    He says "You know God, I've been ugly all my life. For once I would like to know what it is like to be beautiful. Make me beautiful." So God snaps his fingers and it is so.

    Everyone else starts chattering amongst themselves at such a brilliant idea. They all start wishing for the same thing.

    God steps up to the last guy in line who is laying on his side laughing so hard he is crying. After several minutes of patiently waiting, God finally says "Now what in Heaven could be so funny boy?" The man stands up, wipes a tear from his eye and says "Make them all ugly again."
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  • Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #46 on: May 07, 2015, 10:59 »
    I cant help but think Will and Kate missed a trick with the baby naming thing. Elizabeth Paris Mercedes would have been a nice touch  of modern and historical as well as been the correct Cluedo answer to " what happened to grandma ?"
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  • Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #47 on: June 17, 2015, 19:57 »



    A guy sends a text to his next-door neighbor:

    "Bob, I'm sorry. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but I don't get it at home. I can't live with the guilt any longer. I hope you'll accept my sincerest apology. It won't happen again."

    Feeling outrage and betrayed, Bob grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without a word, shoots his wife.

    Moments later the guy gets a second text: "Really should use spell check! That should be "wifi"."
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  • froome19

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #48 on: June 17, 2015, 20:13 »
    Where do you get these from :fp :fp

    :P
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  • Joelsim

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #49 on: June 17, 2015, 22:13 »
    Two monkeys sitting in the bath and the first says to the other "Ooh ooh aah aah"


    And the other says "Well put some cold in if it's too hot"



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  • Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #50 on: September 22, 2015, 21:17 »
    Im enjoying the Rugby World Cup but my wife is taking it to seriously. Last night she gave 2 penalties against me, One for handling errors and then another for not rolling away
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  • Archieboy

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #51 on: October 19, 2015, 07:50 »
    late Victorian times when the British Empire was in its prime, the army sent a new commanding officer out to a remote jungle outpost in deepest Africa to relieve the old retiring colonel.

    On greeting his replacement the old Colonel tells his replacement ''Come and meet my, sorry your right-hand man, the great Captain Dithers – amazing chap, indeed somewhat of a legend in these parts.”

    They walk across the parade ground and there inside the Officer mess, Captain Dithers is introduced to the new CO – who is dumbstruck by what he sees. There in front of him is Captain Dithers – he has the facial features of the elephant man, stands only 3 feet tall, is crossed eyed, had ears like an African elephant, one arm at least half as long as the other, a hunched back, huge man breasts and feet that are at least size 15’s!

    ''Dithers, old bean,'' barked the old colonel, ''this here’s your new CO. I’ve told him you’re quite a celeb’ around here. Now be a good fellow and fill him in about yourself and why you are such a legend.''

    ''Well, Sir” started Dithers in a lispy tone, “I won the boat race with Cambridge, went to Sandhurst and left with the highest ever pass rate, was handpicked to join the regiment and won the Military Cross and bar after three solo expeditions behind enemy lines including saving the Colonel. I single handedly captured an enemy stronghold for which I was reward by being one of the first living recipients of the Victoria Cross. I've represented the Army in equestrian, Rugby, and Cricket and was Services rifle marksman for the year 1875, and ……..”

    ''For God’s sake man” roared the old Colonel “Your new CO can find all that bloody waffle in your file man. Now come on, cut to the chase and tell him about that day you told that local witch doctor to get f*cked......''
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  • DB-Coop

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    Slapshot

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #53 on: November 05, 2015, 10:49 »
    I suppose this one goes here... :lol

    http://www.cyclingweekly.co.uk/cycling-weekly/100-best-riders-right-now-191982

    You're right, funniest thing I've seen in ages!!!

    Glad I scrapped my subscription to the rag.... it's just cheesy Team Sky psychophancy nonsense these days
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  • cj2002

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #54 on: November 05, 2015, 11:16 »
    You're right, funniest thing I've seen in ages!!!

    Glad I scrapped my subscription to the rag.... it's just cheesy Team Sky psychophancy nonsense these days

    Lol - I'd seen tweets about it but didn't actually look at the list (assuming it would be awful). I just don't understand how someone like Laura Trott who is in dominant form on the track is only 72nd, behind riders who had average seasons on the road, aside from perhaps one standout race. Or riders like Sep Vanmarcke (58) who has immense potential but has had a season to forget.

    But nothing quite tickled me as much as:

    38 - Bradley Wiggins vs. 41 - Esteban Chaves :chaves

    Umm... nope. Just nope.
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  • He shook his head sadly and told me that endemic drug use had compelled him to give up a promising career. "Even one small local race, prize was a salami, and I see doping!" - Tim Moore: Gironimo (Riding the Very Terrible 1914 Tour of Italy)

    DB-Coop

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #55 on: November 05, 2015, 11:19 »
    You're right, funniest thing I've seen in ages!!!

    Glad I scrapped my subscription to the rag.... it's just cheesy Team Sky psychophancy nonsense these days

    Not as much the Sky hype that got me as the complete arbitrary way the ratings seem to have been made, it seems that every ones in a while they just pulled a name out of the hat. A good example how did they get Mads Pedersen at 44 and Julian Alaphillipe at 48? One looks like he will turn into at the least a solid WT rider, and perhaps better, however the other without winning any, almost tripled in The Ardennes? I mean I love me some Mads P, but that is just ridiculous, imo he shouldn't even be the best ranked Mads (Mads Würtz being U23 world ITT champion, and winning U23 classification at PDR puts him ahead imo)

    Also why would you try to make a list of both women and mens cycling? How do you decide where to slot in the women? I don't get it, clearly #100 Benãt Intxausti is going to be faster than #2 Lizzie Armitstead so how do you determine what bonus to give female riders for being female, ie. why is Lizzie second, and not first or fifth?
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  • DB-Coop

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #56 on: November 05, 2015, 11:37 »
    Sep Vanmarcke (58) who has immense potential but has had a season to forget.

    Almost any performance of his can be summed up as Sep had a mechanical with 18 kilometers to go, Sep tries to close the gap alone, he reduces the gap to 25 seconds, he runs out of power, Sep drops back to the group he tried to bridge from, fast.

    38 - Bradley Wiggins vs. 41 - Esteban Chaves :chaves

    Umm... nope. Just nope.

    Also #84 Kittel and #20 Cavendish

    Both under preforming, but looking back a year, easy pick who should be ahead, especially considering EQS just dumped one for the other.
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  • Slapshot

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    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #57 on: January 02, 2016, 16:11 »
    Thought For the Day:

    Viagra won't make you James Bond but it will make you Roger Moore!...

    .......................................

    A store that sells new husbands has opened in Utrecht, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

    You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
    Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

    She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
    Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
    'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

    So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
    Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
    'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

    She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
    Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
    'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
    Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

    PLEASE NOTE:
    To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
    The first floor has wives that love sex.
    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer
    The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited
  • ReplyReply

  • Slapshot

    • Neo Pro
    • Country: scotland
    • Posts: 269
    • Liked: 273
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #58 on: January 02, 2016, 16:20 »
    A woman walked into the kitchen and saw her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
    "What are you doing" she asked.
    "Hunting flies" he responded.
    "So...how many have you killed ?" she asked.
    "So far three males and two females" he replied.
    Intrigued, she asked "so how can you tell ?"
    He respond, "three were on a beer can and two were on the phone"

    .............................................

    On a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

    "The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us. Look at me: I'm me. I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood. What do you say to that?”

    The Englishman lowered his newspaper and replied, "How very sporting of your mother."

    ...........................................

    A German guy approaches a lady of the night.
    'I vish to buy sex mit you.'
    'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge you £50 an hour.'

    "Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky.'
    'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do little kinky.'

    So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
    'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees.'
    The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees.
    'Now you vill get on your hans und knees.'
    She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
    'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'
    She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.)

    She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
    The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,
    'That was totally amazing, what do you call that position?'

    'Ah,' says the German ........ 'zat is ze....
    'Four-sprung Duck technique
  • ReplyReply

  • Slapshot

    • Neo Pro
    • Country: scotland
    • Posts: 269
    • Liked: 273
    Re: The Joke Thread
    « Reply #59 on: January 03, 2016, 16:01 »
    More ??   :D :D :D

    The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local town. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye: "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World and the sounds that they make - available now"

    Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

    "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you." The world expert on European wasps goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those." "I'm very sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth again, I can play you have another track." The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Three minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!" "I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could hear another track." Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth. Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated. "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."

    "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant,


    wait for it........



    . . . "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side
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