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DB-Coop

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Not what you said, but the way you said it...
« on: October 28, 2014, 16:27 »
Thought this would be as good a headline as any, sure to earn clicks anyways, really what I am trying to establish with this is just a thread of hilarious sentences used in pieces either published online or in a news paper. When I stumble over a really great one I always find it really funny, so I figured why not see if anybody felt the same-

A few good ones to start it off-

Will Smith and Gangster Rap:
"Inexplicably, Will Smith decided that the best way to address claims of his music being for squares was to release a four-minute song about a minor traffic accident and pepper it with enough threats of violence against women to make it a strong contender for inclusion on any future Chris Brown cover album."[1]

Former NFL Running back Lawrence Phillips' Criminal Record:
"Arrested too many times to count, young Lawrence has what we like to call “women problems.” He knows more about “battery” than the the Energizer Bunny. (...) He’s currently serving over 30 years, in part, for driving his car into three teens after a dispute stemming from a pick-up game of football"[2]
 1. http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/will-smiths-ill-advised-attempt-at-gangster-rap/#ixzz3HSQKhIAy
 2. http://www.holytaco.com/holy-tacos-2010-nfl-all-criminal-team/
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  • DB-Coop

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    Re: Not what you said, but the way you said it...
    « Reply #1 on: December 28, 2014, 20:20 »
    Politics and the elderly
    Today I heard another great one from a Danish politician in a TV debate on if the elderly should be able to ride the buses for free.

    "Even though this is on Channel Copenhagen and that the public transportation is different here then a lot of other places. In the country side there is a lot of buses that are sparsely used, and I think this [Free buses for the elderly] is a great idea to increase the usage of those routes."[1]  :lol

    So the fact is people need to get where the buses are, not the opposite.  :o smh.
     1. http://www.tv-gladsaxe.dk/webtv/video/1345
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  • DB-Coop

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    Re: Not what you said, but the way you said it...
    « Reply #2 on: December 29, 2014, 13:28 »
    Found this "interesting" blog today, it is about alcohol culture in Denmark, which the blogger loves on a crazy level. This was to strange not to share even though it is old. Warning nationalistic bullsh*t coming up.

    Lesson learnt, not sure it was the right one though
    "Our foreign minister Lene Espersen doesn’t participate in international meetings. She takes holidays with her family instead. The lesson she gives us is important. The fact is that Denmark has outgrown the need to meet other nations. As the most developed country in the world despite the European Unions demands to dismantle our welfare society, we cannot not learn anything from anyone."[1]
     1. http://alcoholcultureindenmark.blog.com/page/2/
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  • LukasCPH

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    Re: Not what you said, but the way you said it...
    « Reply #3 on: December 29, 2014, 13:33 »
    Found this "interesting" blog today
    Very "interesting" indeed.
    This is what the German has invented the word "Fremdschämen" for. :fp
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    DB-Coop

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    Re: Not what you said, but the way you said it...
    « Reply #4 on: December 29, 2014, 13:45 »
    Very "interesting" indeed.
    This is what the German has invented the word "Fremdschämen" for. :fp

    I love using "interesting" as a negative word. Fremdshämen is good too, it is something else though, the guy with that blog is obviously stupid, but it is one of those situations where you as the observer just sit there and watch it, because the points that come across is so absurd. Fremdshämen I am assuming you don't enjoy the fact that another person did something unfortunate.
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  • L'arri

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    Re: Not what you said, but the way you said it...
    « Reply #5 on: December 29, 2014, 14:03 »
    Found this "interesting" blog today, it is about alcohol culture in Denmark, which the blogger loves on a crazy level. This was to strange not to share even though it is old. Warning nationalistic bullsh*t coming up.

    Lesson learnt, not sure it was the right one though
    "Our foreign minister Lene Espersen doesn’t participate in international meetings. She takes holidays with her family instead. The lesson she gives us is important. The fact is that Denmark has outgrown the need to meet other nations. As the most developed country in the world despite the European Unions demands to dismantle our welfare society, we cannot not learn anything from anyone."[1]
     1. http://alcoholcultureindenmark.blog.com/page/2/

    I love using "interesting" as a negative word. Fremdshämen is good too, it is something else though, the guy with that blog is obviously stupid, but it is one of those situations where you as the observer just sit there and watch it, because the points that come across is so absurd. Fremdshämen I am assuming you don't enjoy the fact that another person did something unfortunate.

    Eh? You mean the blogger was being serious? I thought it was supposed to be satire.

    Just for info, that link to the source will not be current once more articles are posted. For posterity this is the link direct to the article in question:

    http://alcoholcultureindenmark.blog.com/2010/06/16/the-students-pass-their-education-faster/
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  • Cycling is a Europe thing only and I only watch from Omloop on cause I am cool and sh*t
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    DB-Coop

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    Re: Not what you said, but the way you said it...
    « Reply #6 on: December 29, 2014, 14:15 »
    Eh? You mean the blogger was being serious? I thought it was supposed to be satire.

    Sadly I think so, at least there was a name on the about page and information about who wrote it, it seems like a genuine blog.
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  • L'arri

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    Re: Not what you said, but the way you said it...
    « Reply #7 on: December 29, 2014, 14:30 »
    Sadly I think so, at least there was a name on the about page and information about who wrote it, it seems like a genuine blog.

    Shame it hasn't been updated in a long time, since I think I could really start to enjoy Bjarne's playful use of the definite article.
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  • DB-Coop

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    Re: Not what you said, but the way you said it...
    « Reply #8 on: February 28, 2015, 09:47 »
    I think our very own L'arri deserve a post or two in here -

    All the UCI had to do was to prove that Astana had BS'd what it declared in the licence application. Not difficult to do if you ambush a complacent management fully expecting to participate in a whitewash. Add in a sprinkling of Padova and you've got everything you need to kill that team dead.

    For those that have a hard time imagining this metaphor, look no further.

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  • DB-Coop

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    Found this on the website of what could be nicknamed the daily toilet paper in Denmark.

    http://ekstrabladet.dk/sport/cykling/cult-stjerne-sporten-er-endelig-paa-rette-spor/5468285

    The sub-header reads:
    Quote
    Som tysk stortalent har Linus Gerdemann oplevet de tyske mediers benhårde linje over for doping, og nu glæder han sig over nye tider

    Which translates to

    Quote
    As a German super talent Linus Gerdemann has experienced the German medias hard line attitude towards doping, now he is exited for the change of times.

    Way to make it seem like he is exited about a more relaxed attitude towards doping :fp, silly news paper trying to sell copies/get clicks what not. What I mean is probably clearer in the original than in my translation, it reads pretty bad in Danish to say the least.
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  • LukasCPH

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    It's EkstraBladet, the Danish version of Bild/Blick/DailyMail, what else did you expect? :P
    Of course, there's also a chance that the reader won't even think as far as you do ... :D

    It's a shame that Gerdemann, a rider who most probably is clean, gets put into this light. He's the one who wanted to be followed 24/7 during a Tour de France, so you can't accuse him of not trying. But there's just no way to win.
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  • DB-Coop

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    Okay, so Danish badminton has been going through one of the weirdest things recently, you know it is messed up when they name it the biscuit conflict  :lol

    Apparently badminton stars Christinna Pedersen, Kamilla Rytter Juhl, Joachim Fischer, Carsten Mogensen and Mathias Boe all had signed contracts with Kjeldsen Cookies, contracts stating that they would not be allowed to endorse any other cookie or biscuit manufacturer. However enter the Danish Badminton Union (DBF), that signs a contract with rival Danisa to sponsor the national team among other things. The above mentioned five then tell DBF that they cannot wear Danisa sponsored shirts but offer to pay to play in blank shirts, DBF does not accept this and ultimately suspends the five and stop supporting them financially. This then drags out for 3 months only for DBF to find out that their government funding is depending on performance, so they have to work out a solution anyways. It is all so silly, I am crumbling[1] up from laughter.  :lol

    Timeline in Danish: http://www.dr.dk/Sporten/Oevrig_sport/Badminton/2015/05/13/140018.htm
     1. pun definitely intended
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  • « Last Edit: May 13, 2015, 21:25 by DB-Coop »

    Joelsim

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    So Danish badminton spectators are obviously consumers of biscuits. And bacon.
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  • DB-Coop

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    So Danish badminton spectators are obviously consumers of biscuits. And bacon.

    Considering I've never heard of either company before I am not too sure, it is probably something we export I guess from google images I find. I also found this drawing.
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  • DB-Coop

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    Just remembered this conversation that cracked me up, and at the same time pretty much sums up my experiences with a lot of sports. So basically one of my friends was telling me about his issues with sports after losing in a game of one on one basketball.

    My friend: It really sucks I always lose in basketball
    Me: Well I mean you are decent, how can you always lose?
    My friend: Well I know, the only problem is that I am better than all the people that never want to play, and worse than all the people that want to play.
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  • DB-Coop

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    Found this one on Wikipedia today about Tom Danielson[1]

    Quote
    Born in East Lyme, Connecticut, Danielson currently resides in Boulder, Colorado, with his wife, Stephanie, and their children, Steven (b. 2010) and Stella (b. 2012).[2][35][36] After spending his childhood years in Connecticut, Danielson attended Fort Lewis College in Durango, Colorado.[36] Danielson considers both Boulder and Durango as his home towns. In addition to being married, Danielson has a girlfriend named Kourtney Compton, whom he met in Utah where she was working as a podium girl at the Tour of Utah.

    I have to say I found that pretty funny, after a bit of googling, to find out if Wikipedia was wrong or this was actually the case, it seems like it is another win for Wikipedia, I found this on gossip site The Dirty[2]

    Quote
    KOURTNEY COMPTON COULDN’T STAY STRAIGHT FOR TOO LONG

    THE DIRTY ARMY:  Nik, I got some breaking news for you.  Looks like Kourtney Compton could not stay straight for long. As it turns out, even her boyfriend could not keep her in check when she is lying and cheating behind his back all the time. Every dog shows their true colors eventually, and when she does she does it in style. She set her sites on professional cyclist Tom Danielson who she met in Utah when she was a podium girl. Rumor has it from his teammates they were seen out after hours together often and heading up to the hotel room together.  But what is for sure is she could not wait to get out to Camp Tommy D Cycling Escape that he and his wife just opened up and climb into bed with him as soon as she could. Not just any bed mind you, but they decided to cheat on their wife and boyfriend in his kids own bed. How sick is that.

    Now our favorite past escort is spending most of her time out at the camp with her new man after her boyfriend had enough of the lying cheating whore and kicked her ass out.  Want more news, The great family man Tom Danielson is getting a divorce from his wife with 2 brand new babies so he can be with the little slut.  I wonder if he knows about her past and that she is seen in Hollywood making money doing special meet and greets for high rollers in town. Guess she could only foll the world for so long.  Oh Mr. Boyfriend, what do you have to say now.

    Not a fan of gossip, but damn they steamrolled her, is she even famous?
     1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Danielson
     2. http://thedirty.com/gossip/hollywood/kourtney-compton-couldnt-stay-straight-for-too-long/
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  • DB-Coop

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    This one is really on par with those that started the thread off, here regarding a man showing up at CERN.

    Quote
    Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. "Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."

    Source: http://www.cnet.com/news/man-arrested-at-large-hadron-collider-claims-hes-from-the-future/

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