Drummer Boy

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Re: Florida: The "Astana" of states.
« on: January 03, 2019, 03:36 »
Before going any further, and in order to demonstrate that my morbid fascination with Florida is hardly unique, I'll drop a few links here (and probably more in the future) that illustrate the far-reaching cultural influence of that peculiar place.

Simply searching on Google for "Florida headlines" will yield more than you may care to embrace. It was not my intention for this to simply be the "freak show thread" (because there are a lot of serious news stories to be shared as well), but it could easily become that with very little effort. Florida writes its own script most of the time. Since I would quickly grow weary of every other "white trash" or "trailer park" adventure tale, I'll spare you the details but will provide the general description as provided by the outlets that thrive on such things.

From Mashable:
If you hear a news anchor start a report with the words, "A Florida man..." chances are the next few sentences are going to be good.

Whether it’s something in the sunshine state’s water, or the fact that year-round access to Disney World is driving locals mad, people from Florida just don't seem to run on the same wavelengths as the rest of the United States.

From Distractify:
When it comes to weird news, out of all the states in the U-S-of-A, no one comes close to Florida. A lot of it has to do with the Government in the Sunshine Act, which makes all of the government's doings open to the public. This means journalists have plenty source material to pull from whenever they need a story.

So it's not that Florida has a larger assortment of weirdos than other states, per se, it's just that their weirdos tend to get way more press. That being said, it doesn't change the fact that there was a lot of weird stuff happening in the Sunshine State in the last 12 months.

From World Wide Interweb:
The state of Florida continues to dominate the national news headlines this week and per usual, it’s for all the wrong reasons. Fresh on the heels of the “Disney Gator Attack,” we decided it was time for us to shine a light on the most insane Florida news headline of all time. And we apologize in advance for the irreparable damage it will do to the common sense portion of your brain.

Well, you get the general idea. I could go on forever with similar assessments. But what's funny is that right around the time I was contemplating this thread, some creative genius compiled all the Florida craziness under one roof by creating what has come to be known simply as Florida Man. What is Florida Man, you may ask?

'Florida Man' Is Twitter's Worst Superhero Ever
Feb 11, 2013

A new Twitter parody account, called @_floridaman, posts real news headlines about bizarre crimes happening in the Sunshine State. The catch? Every headline must begin with the words "Florida Man" — thus creating a hybrid, mayhem-causing superhero who just can't seem to catch a break. The headlines are real, as are the strange crimes they describe.

49 Crazy Headlines That Could Only Be Created By Florida Man
Dec. 30, 2014

You'd be hard-pressed to find a more perfect caricature of America's wildest, bawdiest and most unintelligible impulses than Florida Man.

As the Internet's most notorious citizen, Florida Man isn't a single person, let alone a single resident of Florida. He's an amalgamation of the characters who populate the ridiculous news stories that often trickle out of the Sunshine State. Florida Man is a raunchier version of the Onion's mild-mannered Area Man, a caricature, with a wink and a nod, to our fellow Americans.

In short, Florida Man is America's id. And although he hails from the nation's wang, Florida Man embodies America's deepest and darkest desires — and does so with reckless abandon. Jalopnik's Patrick George described him best as "America's worst superhero" in 2013: "Whoever this Florida Man is, he's clearly insane and unstoppable. He feels no pain, has no ethics, and is capable of feats far beyond that of normal American man. It almost sounds like Florida Man is a superhero — just a really terrible one."

The 47 Wildest Florida Man Headlines of 2015
Esquire Dec 30, 2015

An authentic Florida Man incident should involve some, if not all, of the following: boneheaded criminal schemes, an outrageous disregard for common decency, unconventional encounters with police, nunchucks, public and/or outlandish sex acts, alligators and/or other reptiles, large-scale robberies of undesirable goods, Tasers, bizarre supernatural beliefs, and of course, rampant drug use. Almost any crime committed on the World's Craziest Peninsula™ has at least one of these features, but a true Florida Man combines a number of them to create an act of delinquency that simply could not have occurred anywhere else.

All of the following should be treated as allegations and reports, not settled fact. We would also be remiss to not extend special thanks to the @_FloridaMan Twitter account, where many of these stories were found and whose owner goes into the trenches day after day to document Floridian crime, probably at the expense of his or her mental health.
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  • « Last Edit: January 03, 2019, 04:12 by Drummer Boy »


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